The phrase, “reading between the lines” usually refers to hidden messages that one is expected to decipher in order to understand the true meaning of a statement. This seems to be a common practice in neurotypical culture where people not only seem to expect that others can pick up on their hidden messages but also practice finding hidden messages themselves. I often imagine this skill of “reading between the lines” as something out of a movie like “National Treasure” where there is a special pair of magic glasses or a fun trick involving heat that reveals a secret clue on the Declaration of Independence. It could also be where a radio wave hides a message on a different frequency that you must tune into. Autism is almost like existing on a completely different frequency wavelength. We missed the shipment with the magic glasses and only have the gift store version of the Declaration. You and I can speak the same official language but not really be understanding each other. The tricky thing is that it works both ways.
Autistic people may have a hard time understanding you but you may also have a hard time understanding us. Often, neurotypicals are used to being able to understand what people say to a certain degree (even though miscommunication definitely happens) so it is often put on autistic people to be the translators, making sure we are understood by translating our thoughts into “neurotypical” before we speak them (and y’all wonder why our processing speed is slow). Given that the responsibility of translating is put on the people with communication issues, that’s not always going to happen perfectly. I can say something, you can interpret it one way, and I will have no idea how you extrapolated that from my statement. You tried to read between the lines but you’re forgetting that I don’t go around writing on important documents in invisible ink. When I explain that the thing I said originally was the thing that I actually meant or that I just didn’t translate it correctly, it isn’t because I’m trying to backtrack or gaslight you but because I’m simply trying to take what’s in my mind, and re-articulate it in a phrasing you can better understand. Sometimes, it’s just because a of a different communication style where the way I phrase something makes complete sense to me. Other times, it’s a result of bias where the message that the autistic person is trying to say is intentionally or unintentionally ignored with attention given to the smallest issue. I can spend a page trying to explain the difference between two things and someone can come away with an issue about a random example I used and miss my entire intent.
Because of this bias, people can often assume that I’m unqualified for something I have immense experience in but when I try to explain my credentials to assert my validity as an equal, they see it as a hidden challenge of their and they assert theirs as superior, leading nowhere. This is why I often spend so long trying to make sure everything is worded exactly right (to the best of my ability), so I have a chance at actually being heard. There is rarely a moment where my message has any “hidden meaning” meant for you to solve like a puzzle. If I’m vague, just ask me what I’m trying to say. Sometimes, I even leave a statement open ended, not because I expect others to fill in the gaps but I’m hoping they’ll ask a question that will start a conversation More on this in the next installment.
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