Loud

The threshold for something to be considered “loud” is often much lower for neurotypical culture than it is for me as an autistic person with sensory issues. For one, the idea of “loud” is usually defined by volume with pain being experienced by excessively high volume. For me, the definition is much wider and I can experience pain due to sensory stimuli much easier than other people can. Volume is most certainly a factor but there are other factors as well. Pitch can make a large difference with higher pitches from soprano soloists to scraping metal to certain alarms causing a migraine almost instantly. Repetition is another factor, with the sound itself being tolerable such as the clicking of a pen but will get louder with every click until it is unbearable. Conflicting stimuli can also be a stressful situation and also tends to come with the most ableism. My mind can’t put noises to the background as easily as the typically developing mind can so when I’m watching TV with someone, I can hear the fan and the traffic and the vents and every other noise as well as I can the TV. I often will pause the TV or turn off another noise if a conversation begins because it will overload the system with stimuli. It’s in these situations where people seem to have the biggest problem, seeing my interruptions as more invasive than theirs when I’m just trying to allow for theirs. I say this is the situation with the most ableism but I’m definitely no stranger to being called a “baby” when I cover my ears at sounds. Finally, (although I’m sure I could think of many more) my emotional state can control how loud a situation is. When there is already a lot going on in my head, it is harder to allow more stimuli in so I become more sensitive to sounds and am more likely to be overloaded. Because of this, the world is so much louder and subsequently more painful for someone like me and it is by being able to notice those stimuli and factors that I can best prepare and self-accommodate for them. Not only that but this idea of “loud” can even carry over to stimuli other than sound. The bright flashing lights, the chemical or scented smells, the woolly, scratchy clothing texture, the acidic taste can all be too loud for my brain to process in the moment. It is by being able to define and voice that observation that I am able to protect myself from further pain when it’s rarely on anyone else’s radar.

Artwork by Phillip Jolly