Boy

As someone who is quite nonchalant when it comes to gender identity and expression, I very rarely reject any sort of pronoun, label, or description that is commonly associated with a specific gender. However, there is one word that I will always detest and is pretty much the only instance where I will correct someone based on how they refer to me. I can’t stand to be referred to as a “boy.” As someone who was already young for his year in undergrad and grad school, I used to think my age upon entering grad school was the reason I was treated like I was less experienced, less knowledgeable than my peers. I had spent my life until then focused on homophobia in the church and it wasn’t until I got to grad school where queer Christians were plentiful that I could explore other areas such as ableism. Already having been diagnosed with ADHD, I received my diagnosis of autism, adding up to two neurodevelopmental disorders.

The thing about neurodevelopmental disorders is that they affect your personality, especially in the “developmental” part and whether it’s because of your energy, your communication skills, both, or some other thing, people with neurodevelopmental disorders tend to be infantilized (treated like a child) a lot. This can often be reflected in how often autistic people are spoke of as "kids" or the use of childish images when teaching about autistic people, such as the puzzle piece icon and the use of bright colors in crayon-like drawings. In seminary, my main preaching textbook, written by the main preaching professor of the school, even referred to someone with Down Syndrome as "old yet still a child."

Because of this, I’ve had to become stricter about how I talk about myself and how I allow others to talk about me. I didn’t “major in Psychology.” I have a degree in Psychology, from which I graduated magna cum laude in 3 years with 2 minors and an honors program to add on. I’m Alexander, not Alex, and I’m your friend and your peer, not your “buddy.” Many of these things seem inconsequential and, for those who use them in reference to me, I’m sure they are, with no direct disrespect intended. However, it becomes a theme.

Eventually, people who use these terms will always have a moment where they assume I don’t know what I’m talking about instead of asking questions, accidentally “misreading” a word that they’ll then spend a paragraph correcting me on, passing me over for a task or position for which I’m extremely qualified because “it just didn’t feel right.” If I let them see me as younger than I am, they’ll see me as less intelligent (although the misconception of children being less intelligent is also a societal error that needs to be addressed) and that will prevent me from doing the amount of good that I know I can do. They’ll listen to important messages that I bring with the intention of correcting or approving, not truly learning or understanding. While it might be a stretch for me to refer to myself as a “man,” I’m definitely an adult, not a kid and not a “boy.” I will expect others to treat me as such.